Regrets

        I guess this started a year ago. I spent a weekend away from all my friends and family. Not talking to anyone. And I realized I was depressed. So I told my boyfriend. And he just kind of blew it off and told me I didn't have a reason to be depressed. That's what started our issue.he was upset that I wasn't happy, because I had every reason to be happy. I had told him that something had to change, anything. But nothing ever changed.

        Eventually we just started growing apart. We hung out less, we talked less. We spent more time with our group of friends than with eachother. One of his best friends started talking to be about my depression, we got pretty close. We had been friends since like 7th grade but now we were getting closer. And one day we kissed. Don't know how it happened, don't know why. But it happened.

        The next day I told my boyfriend. I told him I hadn't been happy, which he knew, and the kiss just happend. And that I was so sorry. I said I still wanted to be friends, and we are. I'd say were still in love, but I guess were better without eachother. 

       The end result was our entire group of friends split up, we haven't hung out in months. It's awful, I'm miserable for ruining such a good friendship between the 10 of us. But I'm finally happy again, so I don't 100% regret it. But I'm not proud of the way things happened. 

Fall break

     I started my fall break by working Wednesday night 4-9. I went home and slept. Got up Thursday morning and went out to eat with Jessica, Zoei, and Taylor. We went to Cracker Barrel. Then we came back to town and I hung out with Scott until 4 when I went in for work. I got off at 9 then skyped with Scott until 2:30 in the morning

     Friday Scott and his cousin came over around noon. Then the three of us, and Jarod went to see Gone Girl. We came home, then went on a walk. After that Mary came over, around 1 Scott and his cousin left and Mary and I went to sleep. We woke up, ate breakfast, talked about life, then I went to work at 4. Then I went home, skyped Scott, and played minecraft with my sisters. We were up til around 3. Then Sunday, I went to work, got off early at 8:40. Scott happened to be in town so he picked me up, drove me home. I ate dinner, then I messed around on my computer. Pretty exciting. 

If I were an animal

     If I were an animal I would be a cat. Cats don't have any responsibilities. Cats don't have to worry about thinking. Cats just eat and sleep. They love to be cuddled but can walk away when they want to. Cats do what cats want.

     Cats don't really have a purpose. I'm only 16 and I'm already tired of this adult life thing tat we have to do. I don't want to have responasblities anymore. I want to be able to eat and sleep away my problems. I don't want to have to do anything.

     I don't want to have to make in impact in the world. I like the idea of shutting myself in. Not having to talk to people. And if I do chose to talk to people I like the idea of being able to just walk away when I want to. I want to be able to live on my own terms, I just want to be a cat. 

Embarrassing stories

At my first rock concert I passed out. We were in a mosh pit. And I felt it coming so I turned around and put my arms around Nick. And the next thing I knew a stranger was carrying me up the stairs. Then I had to get intarogated on why Iaased out. About a week later all my friends told me my shirt basically came off. They still make fun of me for it. 

Embarrassing stories

At my first rock concert I passed out. We were in a mosh pit. And I felt it coming so I turned around and put my arms around Nick. And the next thing I knew a stranger was carrying me up the stairs. Then I had to get intarogated on why Iaased out. About a week later all my friends told me my shirt basically came off. They still make fun of me for it. 

I walked into my house and seen

       I walked into my house and seen my sisters running around. Stephanie was laying on the couch. Gloria and Leila were chasing each other. Susanna and Divinity were beating the crap out of eachother. I walked to the kitchen to find Jarod and Trystan fighting over how to make dinner. They always make the same thing, but they never agree on how to make it. 

      I went up to my room and everyone else is scattered in thier spots warching whatever it is they watch while I'm a work. Nick and Mitchell debating natruto and karate, who knows. This is what it's like to walk into my house during the summer. 

Tell about a time a poem impacted your life

He wants to say "I love you"

But keeps it at goodnight 

Because love will mean some falling

And she's afraid of nights.

I love this poem, especially right one impending my life. I have a lot of people trying tho help me and take my walls down. But I just shove everyone away. I don't let people in, on any level really. I don't let myself feel love, so I just find this poem perfect. 

Getting home

      When Jay drops me off at my house after work is between 9 and 10. It's dark out, normally chilly. I walk on my rickidy front porch, all th rails wobble. I open the door and the blast of the AC hits me, my mom loves it cold. 

      My house smells different depending on whose been there. If all my friends hung out there while I was at work then it smells like Jacks Pizza. If my sisters have been in the kitchen, who knows what it's gonna smell like. 

     I shut the door and kick off my shoes. My cats come running up meowing. My moms tv is on in her room. She's already snoring. I go up to my room and turn on my music and get ready for bed. 

     I go back down stairs and get a snack before bed. I normally find left overs, or just a cookie and milk. The cookies are always chocolate chip, or sugar free. So not very good. 

     I walk back up to my room, running my hand up the cold sodden rail. I go in my room, which is just as cold as the living room. I shut my door, the knob is freezing. I turn on my heater and crawl into my cold sheets. I love sleeping in the cold. My bed Is so soft. 

Whose line is it anyway?

On Whose Line is it Anyway all I did was embarass myself

We improved for a movie. I voiced a woman. She was fighting with her lover but I made her yell about how hungry she was.

I felt really stupid, and embarrassed. I had a lot a fun, I laughed a lot. I made fun of myself, but I still felt really stupid. 

Free write

I'm not ready to leave high school. I don't want to grow up. I want to stay young forever. Next year Is going to be my last year, it's my last chance. It's my last year of freedom. After that I will have college, and bills, and life. I don't want to have to worry about all that. I want to stay in high school. 

I'm excited to get my life started, I have so much I want to do. It's all just happening too fast. I don't want to have big responsibilities. I want to be able to have fun. 

Free write

I'm not ready to leave high school. I don't want to grow up. I want to stay young forever. Next year Is going to be my last year, it's my last chance. It's my last year of freedom. After that I will have college, and bills, and life. I don't want to have to worry about all that. I want to stay in high school. 

I'm excited to get my life started, I have so much I want to do. It's all just happening too fast. I don't want to have big responsibilities. I want to be able to have fun. 

Your best friend has to choose between you or their significant other, why are you the best choice?

       I would be the better choice between my friends significant other and I. Relationships don't last. Love dosent last. Why would she pick him over me? We've been best friends since third grade. It's stupid to pick a love over a friend. Especially in today's society

      I have picked friends over significant others many times, and I've also picked others over friends. And that was never good. A friend is defiantly the better choice. Loves what you all to themselves. Friends are better at sharing, they don't control you, they don't try to over power you. 

      Picking a friend over a significant other is for sure the best choice. Friends care a lot more, they understand you better, and don't tie you down. Most importantly they stay longer. Friends first. Always. That's just common sence. Think about it. How long have you been friends with the person, and how long have you been infatuated with your other? Your friend comes first.